I’ve been thinking about opportunities. Thinking about how they manifest, how we perceive them, how we connect with them – if and when we recognize them at all. Mostly I’ve been pondering our initial interaction with the idea of opportunity. I’ve known many people who consistently express wanting to change some circumstance in their life (career, dating, education etc.) yet never do. Im certain there are many reasons for this and I don’t purport to know for certain all of them. I surmise part of the gap between where we are and where we want to be, lies within our ability to see (and take action toward) opportunities when they come along.
This concept shows up in every single area of life, if we are paying attention. I’ve included a few of my own observations below:
- In saying yes to more (or different) work – you create the opportunity to learn and practice skills you otherwise wouldn’t. In a traditional work setting – this can often mean doing tasks that “isn’t your job.” Now, I’m not in any way suggesting we shouldn’t value our worth and require compensation as such. What I am suggesting is often times the cue that we are ready for the next level of the work shows up in two ways: 1. In our mastery of the current level and 2. Naturally occurring opportunities to practice next level work. The latter almost always shows up as “that’s not my job.” If we’re tuned into the work and open to seeing the opportunity to practice new skills – this is one that is always a personal (not to mention professional) win.
- As a single person going out on dates, sans expectation, you say yes to the opportunity to practice dating. You say yes to practicing interaction with various people whom you otherwise wouldn’t connect. By spending most of my adult life in the dating space I’ve said yes to fun, low-commitment relationships. In doing so, I’ve consistently created the opportunity to practice these types of relationships. Whether that’s good or bad the jury is out – it just is.
- On the reverse, when I consider the significant influx of violent footage depicting various trauma being inflicted on humans who look like me – I’m moved to prune my exposure. In saying yes to consistent trauma exposure (typically via trauma porn of various types) I think we reduce our sensitivity and empathy toward these actions. This impacts how we perceive these actions and what those actions mean for our families, for ourselves for humanity as a whole.
Our choices are often (not always) a reflection of how we prioritize the opportunities we want to practice. These observations aren’t intended to be good or bad, they just are. They are intended to increase our awareness of this aspect of life. It’s not until you slow down and take stock of your habits – that you realize – your habits reflect the opportunities for practice you’ve consistently said yes to.
To turn the corner on what we want for ourselves and shift to the next level, there has to be necessary examination of our current habits. An inquiry of self about the following – what has been my practice? what have I consistently created the opportunity to practice in my life? I believe, the next question we must ask ourselves is – does my current practice serve the person I am becoming?
Meeting the goals of the next level require us to become a new version of ourselves. I wouldn’t venture to say better here, because much like all phases of the work are valid and necessary, all versions of you are valid and necessary. After all, without these stages there can be no transformation process. To meet the goals of the next level we must tap into different habits, tap into different levels of complexity, tap into different ways of connecting (which may mean new ties or deepening ties that already exist). The version of ourselves that we need to become, to achieve those seemingly unreachable goals, require us to first see our current habits – and ask do these habits serve the person I am becoming?
In one of my favorite books – Women Who Run with Wolves – Dr. Estes shares, the key to transformation is asking the right questions. It’s one of the reasons we pay for expert services and expert opinions. An expert in anything knows the right questions that need to be asked (and answered) to solve the issue – they’ve spent years, often decades, sifting out various ways to answer some variation of all the possible questions. It’s the reason much of talk therapy is about asking (intentional) questions that prompt introspection, questions that prompt a search for answers within ourselves. It’s the reason, I believe, one of the “keys” to living a meaningful life is staying curious and remaining a life-long learner. Life is often about becoming better at asking the right questions.
Lately I’ve been asking myself – What are you creating the opportunity to practice? I recognize this question comes from a place of various assumptions; the most glaring one being that the decisions I make directly impacts my opportunities. This can be a loaded assumption and the depth of this is for another piece; but I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge it here briefly. I’ve learned a great deal about myself by asking this question. To answer, requires taking a deeper look at things in my life that may be on autopilot and no longer serve me well. I don’t know what those things are for you – but you may find value in exploring them again.
If this piece feels like it asks more questions than it answers, that is the intention. Often times we miss the right answers because we aren’t asking the right questions. I hope you stay curious.
Until next time, walk gud’
K.H
P.S. Announcement: It’s within this vein that I took the first step toward making a book dream – reality. The 2020 pandemic has been painful, in countless ways. It’s also been beautiful, in countless ways. I surmise that’s natural – there is duality in all things. What I’ve proven true in the past 12 months, is that pain presents the opportunity to test resilience. The experience and process of moving through pain, presents the opportunity to focus acutely on what is truly important, focus on how you show up for yourself when no one’s watching, focus on how you show up in service to others – when no one’s watching. (There are many examples that I’ve gleamed during this time that I’ll save that for another discussion.) All of this to say, I’ve written a book ya’ll! It’s titled 7 Yummy Lessons- About Living a Full Life. In talking to close friends, I’ve described it as a small and fun book. I think mostly because I’m fearful of what others will think about it; and calling it small is my way of bracing myself. But it’s more accurately a short book – it’s less than 100 pages. What I want readers to know is this – I wrote this book because writing brings me peace, and I enjoy it. Surviving life, especially during a pandemic, requires creating opportunities to experience peace. We all need opportunities to practice peace; it’s a human requirement. For this reason, you’ll enjoy and find value in this body of work. I’m scared yet very excited to share this body of work with you! Thank you for supporting my journey in this space. I can’t wait for us to chat about what you connect with most from the book! 7 Yummy Lessons is scheduled for release (print and electronic) on June 20th, 2021; with presale available on June 1st. If more information would be helpful, please connect with me. See you all soon!
Wow! So many gems in this one, I definitely took a few notes. And this BOOK!!! I’m so excited for you my dear. Can’t wait to read it! Thanks for sharing, much needed.